Couples Counseling
Mending a broken past
Anger, resentment, loneliness, and sadness in intimate relationships are part of the collateral damage done by active addiction.
Mistrust over any number of issues makes it difficult to reconnect to find common ground to begin the healing process.
Most partners of recovering people I have spoken with have found Al-Anon to be extremely un-helpful. Evaluation of whether you would benefit from brief addiction counseling or referral to a licensed therapist is worth looking into.
The Pink Cloud
The Pink Cloud is a short-lived period of joy during the initial recovery phase – commonly referred to as “being high on life.”
During the flight back to health, the recovering person experiences an overwhelming sense of relief and empowerment.
The downside is that it breeds overconfidence and unrealistic expectations. When inevitable disappointments and fluctuations arise, relapse is often the result.
Family members and significant others are perhaps even more susceptible.
Years of hoping beyond hope that the magic bullet will arrive, with relief finally in sight, they can hardly be blamed for their own set of expectations.
Even one or two sessions can help partners see their role in this process.
Education on co-dependency and a safe place to practice strength-based reinforcement, or even detachment, will benefit both partners.
Becoming an ally to your partner’s recovery
As we begin our individual work, things with partners often get worse before they get better. Having a safe place to practice assertive communication skills with a neutral observer that my client trusts can be immensely helpful.
Education on communication and compassionate confrontation with both parties present provides an additional layer of accountability and reinforcement.
Partners of recovering people have perhaps the greatest number of opportunities to reinforce new behaviors, so the likelihood of success increases with active involvement in the process.
Systemic family Interventions
As part of a systemic approach treating addiction, we recognize that support from spouse, partners, and significant others are a vital part of the recovery process.
At the beginning of a systemic family intervention, I meet with all members of the family. Often, couple-specific issues come up that are counterproductive to bring into the larger group discussion (at least initially).
We may need to do specific educational or skill-building exercises to help parties communicate effectively with one another.
Often referrals out* are initiated at this stage.
Couples in recovery or with addiction-specific issues
People that are in recovery together or genuinely feel that addictive behavior is the primary problem may feel more comfortable with an addiction specialist.
They may even get quicker results from a counselor more familiar with 12-step and social model language and methodologies.
Referrals out* may become the best course of action.
Scope of practice and referrals*
What comes up in couples counseling and family interventions? Trauma. Severe emotional and physical abuse, infidelity, and abandonment are serious matters that need to be addressed by someone who specializes in treating those issues.
I am not a Marriage and Family Therapist. I have a reliable network of affordable colleagues I can recommend for therapy work.
Beyond teaching assertive communication skills and processing basic concepts from the seven principles of making a marriage work (Jon M Gottman), I will always refer out.
Practicing “outside of scope” is illegal and an ethical violation. Be wary of unlicensed people advertising EMDR services, couples therapy, and especially other trauma-related work.
Addiction counseling from someone who faced their own addiction
Call (916) 382-2412 ASAP for additional information to help recovery – keep you recovered.